The Complexity of Feelings

This is probably the second time that I’ve talked about the “romance” aspect of my life in this blog. (Probably because of the lack of exciting things to talk about.) But at some point today, the topic came up in a conversation with a friend. And she asked me, “Do you still like him?”

It was a question that I was often asked by my college friends (on the off-chance that we stow away from talking about Share Capital and Retained Earnings). But that friend who asked me was from high school. A mutual friend of me and The Guy. And it struck me that I don’t really have a solid answer for it.

Do I still like him? I don’t know.

I mean, I will always like him as a friend. I did say that, before all of these feelings stuff, he was my friend, first and foremost. But as something more? I don’t know. It’s been so long since I explored that part of my consciousness.
The very concept of having a crush on him has been an established thing on my mind that I didn’t even thought about whether I still feel the same.

And let’s face it. Your emotions is a topic that is very hard to talk about. And I’d love to say that it’s a hard thing to think about.

Now here’s what I got from all the mental monologuing that I did on my brain.

Feelings, the very sense of the word, is not a complicated thing. If you think about it, feeling what you are feeling (and I know this is getting all confusing) is simple. You’re happy because something made you happy. You’re sad because you’re sad. End of story. What I realized was that the complexity of feelings does not lie on the emotions that rises up inside us. It’s on how you explain those feelings.

We humans are so obsessed with rationality and being able to explain every single thing that is in our surroundings–maybe even on places we have yet to personally see (a.k.a Outer Space). Is it not why science existed? Why we have broken down one piece of paper into atoms and molecules. Why rockets are being launched into space. Why the very mentality of human beings are studied thoroughly every single day.

Don’t get me wrong. I freakin’ love science.

But pushing through the new facts we are trying to discover has its limit. Oftentimes, our rational minds cannot comprehend or explain what is happening in the very depths of our beings. We all exist in the purest form of contrariety–a mind with the unquenching thirst for explanations and yet cannot explain its own self.

And, where feelings are involved, that’s okay. Besides, feelings are called so because they are meant to be felt.

So how about my feelings for The Guy? (I’m just going to call him that since there really is no other guy that I talked about in this blog on some “love life” topics). Heck if I know what to do with it. Right now, I should be getting back on studying and feeling stressed out.

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