Turning a Page in a Book Called “My Life”

It’s one thing to see someone you’ve known for a long time change into a person you barely recognize.

I mean, your old neighbor could have just gotten her hair cut or that annoying bratty kid is merely experiencing puberty (and is now sulky in addition to still being bratty). But you would think some aliens abducted and replaced them with unusual alien duplicates of themselves.

Let’s face it. You could tell yourself that change is the only constant thing in life but it still comes off as a shock. It still does to me, too.

I’ve been spending the whole two weeks here in my grandparents’ house. They don’t have WIFI so I’m living off on prepaid broadband stick right now–and my sister’s hotspot. It’s a breath of fresh air away from the suffocating smog that is the Internet.

And I’ve been reflecting on numerous things lately…Well, even before I arrived here, really.

My brother, who was so cute back when he was still a few years old, is now on the verge of hitting puberty–and his immaturity isn’t excusable anymore. My aunts and uncle seem shorter than I last remember them. And the subdivision where I grew up in for all the first 16 years of my life looks ancient. Like a ghost town.

Everything around me has changed from when I have been last here a year ago. But a little voice inside my head, one that’s been whispering for a couple of weeks, is telling me that the person who changed the most was me.

The perspective that I have on myself is kinda similar to how I see actors and actresses in television and films. Not the part about being good-looking, good Lord. But the part about them aging and changing oh so slowly.

Don’t you just look at Tom Cruise and think, “My god, he’s 50?!” At one point, I mentioned to a friend of mine how Nolan Gould, who played as Luke Dunphy in Modern Family, grew up to be a handsome young man.

And my friend told me, “Kate. It’s Luke Dunphy. He’s a kid.” So I searched his age which turns out to be only a few months younger than me and told my friend about it. My friend insisted, “He’ll always be a 10-year-old to me.”

It’s not just that stars have younger-looking skin. It’s also the power of being in a screen, big or small. And in my view of myself, I’m still that 12-year-old kid whose school shoes is Barbie. Not because I’m girly and taller than most kids my age (I’m actually quite opposite of that now) but because I’m still stubborn and immature yet people still think I’m older than my older sister because of how serious I look.

When, in fact, so much has changed in me. As one of my friends pointed out, I laugh more often (because I’m Wednesday Addams in high school). I actually study now in college. I have a blog. I listen to alternative music more often than Top 40 songs. And I don’t dress like Max Goof anymore.

So what am I trying to say here?

Well, there are mere hours left of 2015 and on the verge of the New Year comes all this “new year, new me” bullcrap. Change will stand out the most in the hours ahead. But instead of looking on how I will change for the next year, I want to take a look back and acknowledge where I’ve been and where I am currently standing now.

And here’s the thing. Seeing how much I’ve grown and the obstacles (physical, mental or emotional) that I’ve passed through, it’s actually shocking to find out how far I’ve come, the past that I’ve passed. But even scarier is the path ahead of me.

It’s like seeing a road ahead without my glasses. All I see is a blur of unknown shapes and a plethora of colors. But what I do see clearly are wonderful things that are within my reach and I’m happy with all of them. We all don’t know what 2016 has laid out for us (unless of course if you already know your future, you Oracle you.) It’s a blur ahead and there are so many possibilities.

Note to 2016 self: Don’t loose yourself on what you can’t see clearly. Reflect on where you’ve been and focus on where you currently are. That blur? You’ll get there, eventually. One step at a time.


P.S.: I don’t know if you’ve read that entire post but anyway. Hey guys! This is my last post for 2015 and it’s kinda emotional. But oh well, I don’t go to that route often. Happy New Year, everyone! 🙌🙌🎆🎆🎉🎉


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